cute4u

Fantasy Sports Girl Sarah Spain - 1st Quarter

2008-10-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

Countdown to Reunion, Part 2 - Ejections & Dejection

2008-10-11T11:46:00.000-07:00

Countdown to Reunion, Part 2 - Ejections & Dejection

T-minus 10 days and counting...

I used this past long weekend to prepare myself both mentally and physically for my upcoming college reunion, an event which promises to be 4 full days spent hammered beyond all recognition. Yes, of course, the initial plan will be to spend quality (sober) time catching up with friends and acquaintances, but if this weekend is any indication I’ll barely remember my old roommates' names after my second drink. Here’s the thing...spending the past few days trying to prepare for the recapturing of my youth has taught me two important lessons:

1. It’s not nearly as hard to get kicked out of Dodger Stadium as one might think.
2. I'm old. And lame.

Saturday morning I was up bright and early at 9am, ready for a magical day of baseball, beer, hot dogs and men in tight pants. Cubs games at Wrigley—-win or lose—-are one of life’s greatest treasures. And Cubs games at Dodger Stadium are...still fun. A little while before gametime our group of 15-20 people met up at the park outside the stadium and eased our way into a long day of drinking with a nice batch of mimosas. I’ve found that orange juice cuts through champagne so well you can quickly drink 3, 4...12 mimosas without even realizing it.

After an hour or so of pre-gaming we headed to the game and found our seats—-just outside the left foul pole, a couple rows from the field. Not only were we in prime homerun territory but we were also within earshot of the outfielders in left. We took advantage of this close proximity immediately. One of the guys in our group was a Dodgers fan and he and I quickly established a love-hate relationship by way of snarky attacks on the players. He clowned Soriano for his large paycheck and limited run production while I commended Soriano on his well-developed rear section. As you can see, I was right about that ass.

Later, I offered Luis Gonzalez words of encouragement when the Cubs hit back-to-back base hits right in front of him in left. I commended him for his fine attempts to run at such an advanced age and reminded him that those balls were at least 10-12 feet away from him—-a distance much too great for an 82-year-old in his condition to cover in any reasonable amount of time. All the while, I continued to clap and thank Soriano whenever he bent over. Things were going swimmingly.

There was most surprisingly little animosity between Cubs and Dodgers supporters in the stands. Everyone was enjoying the game as playful jabs were sent back and forth between fans. I kindly informed a Derrek Lee heckler that Lee is leading the league in batting percentage, at which point his friend kindly informed him that I was right, and he should close his mouth. See? Enemies working together in the pursuit of truth! I left for a half inning or so to get beer and returned to the cheers of a section of young, male Dodgers fans who said they’d gotten bored while I was gone and wanted to talk some more shit. I happily obliged. Our group even made friends with the cutest little Dodger fan ever, Frank, and his parents.

Sometime around the 6th inning the Dodger fan in our group was ejected from the game to everyone’s surprise but his own. You see he had announced, as the game commenced, that he would most likely be tossed. I still have no idea why he got the boot, as he hadn’t said much since the Cubs hit back-to-back bombs and took the lead. This incident was, in hindsight, a clear sign of what was to come. Midway through the 8th the game leveled off...the Cubs were up and it seemed they’d hang on for the win. With nothing much to cheer or boo about, I’d been quietly enjoying my beer and the gentle rays of the sun for about an inning and a half. Suddenly, early in the 9th, four or five security guards came down to our seats and said that I needed to come with them. I'll admit that I wasn’t sober at the time, but I was speaking, acting and walking perfectly fine. After a little back-and-forth like so...

–- “Why do I have to come with you?”
-- “We’ll talk up there.”
–- “I haven’t done anything, I’m not leaving my seat.”
-- “Just come with us, we’ll talk about it away from everyone else.”
-- “There's no reason for me to leave unless you tell me what I’ve done.”

...my friends said I should just go with them, talk to them, and come back. I told everyone to stay in their seats and let me handle it. Unfortunately, they didn’t want to send me off to the wolves alone, so 4 or 5 us trudged up to the concessions area with the fake baseball police. One of my friends wasn't as "cooperative" as they'd hoped, so he ended up handcuffed and taken to Dodger Stadium's secret, underground lair.

There, they decided he was officially kicked out of the park for the rest of the year, although I’m not sure how they'll do that. Will it be like the Wild West? Will they post his picture at the Dodger Stadium saloon entrances and challenge him to a duel if he dares enter? I imagine from now on he'll have to show up wearing a false mustache and sunglasses, using an alias like Lloyd Littlebutter to purchase tickets. How very exciting.

I managed to keep the baseball police talking and continued to stand my ground until the game ended. They made excellent points such as “you can’t say cuss words” and “you aren’t allowed to say penis.” I countered with logic, pointing out that the worst word I used was “ass” and that there were people all over our section saying the exact same things, if not worse. In fact, I distinctly remember several fans commenting on my..."bags." I can only assume they were talking about the bases. I was later told by a friend that I actually had said "penis." I believe I was commenting on another fan's need to overcompensate...who can recall such minor details? Regardless, last I checked “penis” is a scientific term that one should be able to use freely when discussing male genitalia. I just wish those baseball police were more mature. In the end, I left of my own free will, without the security guards.

Several Dodgers fans we didn’t know offered my friends their business cards and said they’d be willing to vouch that I hadn’t done anything to warrant being kicked out. I never got a warning, never got any complaints, never even had any good old-fashioned yelling matches with any other fans. (This game paled in comparison to the great "frosted tips" throwdown with the White Sox fans at Wrigley). Getting tossed was truly shocking and, pardon the pun, came completely out of left field. A few people mentioned this old hag whose chin was hanging on by a thread...

...as the possible snitch. She was at the game all by herself and appears just old and lonely enough to want to ruin the good times of the more youthful, attractive game-goers surrounding her. On the other hand, she may not have been the snitch, in which case it’s cute that she loves baseball so much she goes to the games all by herself. Also, sorry if that’s your grandma. In the end, not much happened in the 9th so I didn't miss much. I still think Dodger Stadium might wanna work on their security policy. If it's as easy as one complaint, next time I'm there I'm gonna tell the baseball police that the LA fan next to me told a small child to do something naughty to his Dodger Dog.

And as for me being old and lame...I spent the rest of Saturday night at the bars in Hermosa double fisting a rum & diet and...a tall glass of water. Yes, ONE half day of boozing and I was drinking like a high schooler for the rest of the night. If the bar had served wine coolers I probably would have ordered 'em. Then, I followed up that solid performance by not even going out after work Sunday night. Yes, yes, I know...my bender preparation isn't looking good at this point. I could tell you that my Memorial Day involved funneling, heavy drug use and doing blow off stripper's asses, but I'd be lying. I slowly sipped on some weak vodka and punch drinks, played a little cornhole on the beach and essentially proved to myself and all others that I am, officially, old. Something tells me I'm gonna end up in the back of the bus on the reunion wine tour shoving bagels into my mouth and trying to recover from my first half-glass of pinot all day. Ah, youth. So fleeting.

2 Comments:

Tommy said...: you missed the most important aspect of the game.. the cubs actually won, and the bullpen held a lead of less than 28 runs.
and welcome to getting old - but i think you are headed in the right direction. my theory is that once you hit about 28 or 29 your body either starts to put up a fight when you try and drink more than 5 hours straight, OR it gives up and you become an alcoholic.
and yes, i just comment on random people's blogs. especially people who write about the cubs, also live in LA, and are witty.
have a nice day.; 10:04 AM
Anonymous said...: Hey Spainy, how did the reunion go?; 11:48 AM

A follow-up to Hitchens' BS

2008-10-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

A follow-up to Hitchens' BS

Interesting--albeit slightly meandering--blog regarding the Vanity Fair article I posted about previously.

http://scienceblogs.com/smoothpebbles/2007/02/christopher_hitchens_war_on_ir.php

The best commentary on Hitchens’ poorly-argued article on the inherent un-funniness of the fairer sex, from a female comedian:

"It occurs to me that men like him seem to write articles like this just so
that women like me can issue stern and unfunny responses, thusly proving his
thesis. I'm not particularly good at acknowledging my own attributes, but
I'll be damned if I let someone tell me I'm not funny. I know how to tell a
joke, and tell it well; I can deliver one-liners off the top of my head with
flawless timing, never regretting five minutes later having missed the
perfect rejoinder; I even do brilliant pratfalls. I know I'm funny-but I'm
simply not amused by being told by a pugnacious pigass I can't possibly be
simply because I have a cunt.

A cunt which, by the way, is herself a piquant raconteur. You wouldn't
believe the jocose tales that fall from her mischievous lips. Oh, the
stories she could tell you, Hitchens-but she won't. She only regales
sophisticates of egalitarian character with her uproarious yarns."

D-Bags & Trolls

2008-10-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

D-Bags & Trolls

Last night a date and I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum. It was a 10pm show on a Monday night and we arrived early to an empty theatre. We settled into seats mid-way up the theatre and--both being quite tall--stretched our legs out on the seats in front of us. A few more people trickled in, but all in all there were only about 16 people in the theatre, mostly scattered about in the rows behind us. A few moments before the lights went dim, a couple sat one row in front of us, the guy choosing one seat to our right, his date one seat to his right. To clarify, in diagram form:

-------------------------random couple---------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
random couple--------------------------d-bag | troll-------------
------------------------------me | date--------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------random couple
random couple-----------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------random couple--------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------random couple------

Less than a minute later, the girl (a loose term for such a pinched wench) asked my date to remove his foot from on top of the seat in front of him. This monstrous pair who selected--out of literally dozens of open seats in the theatre--the seats directly diagonal to ours, were now requesting that we move for them. These repellant freaks chose their seats knowing full well that my date and I had our legs perched atop the seats next to them. Now one might question why these slimy assholes would select seats so close to ours when the theatre was nearly empty. One might also wonder why these foul jackasses thought they had the right to ask us to move when we had clearly been seated long before them. Perhaps our astounding good looks and shapely legs acted as magnets, subconsciously luring these wretched schlubs towards us. Maybe these mindless imbeciles feared loud noises and hoped to take solace in the company around them during particularly violent scenes. It's possible these unsightly pedophiles were entertaining the idea of a post-film discussion.

As it turns out, however, these putrid cretins were just "those people." We all know one or two, or many. Those people who are simply unaware of the world around them. The kind of woman that yells at a waiter for forgetting her side of acorn squash. That guy who calls his daughter's kindergarten teacher and any other woman under 45 "sweetie." Of course, these aren't offenses of great consequence. Still, I'm troubled trying to understand what is going through a person's head when they act that self-absorbed and grandiose. I told the pair of squalid lepers that there were tons of open seats, including those directly to their right. I noted that while they could painlessly move over one seat, we would move instead, just to prove how easy it was. Those who know me well will note that my actions were suprisingly mature and level-headed. I'm still trying to figure out exactly why I didn't act in the usual stubborn, I-need-to-prove-my-point-to-these-jackoffs way. Perhaps I just wanted to relax and watch the movie.

Late last night, though, I was still a little troubled by the tiny incident. Not because I cared that much about moving one seat over--that's not the point. Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around the brain functions of certain people. True criminals and people with serious mental disorders aside, I like to think most humans are at least slightly similar. These two people seemed utterly average--not stereotypical "LA" types, not hoity-toity snobs, not even bratty teenagers. I just didn't understand their self-importance. I would never presume to ask someone to move after I'd encroached upon their area, especially if there were literally dozens of other places to sit. This is all just mindless venting and rambling, of course, but sometimes I truly marvel at the thought processes of others. If this happens again, I will demand that my date use the offending foot to physically relocate the gripers to a new seat. For while I'm against making inappropriate requests of strangers, I'm all for overreacting with needless violence.

Opening Day

2008-10-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

Opening Day

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/sarahspainweekone.html

Opening Day

My alarm went off at 5:30am Sunday morning, and despite the hour I woke easily. The foggy haze of a night’s sleep lifted without argument, and the promise of the day ahead pressed me into clarity. Opening Day. Two words that bring to mind images of rebirth and possibility, celebration and pageantry. All the predicting and supposing of the preceding months would be disproved or vindicated, all the hopes and expectations of the fans heightened or dashed. Opening Day. The Bears were about to start their season and try to make their way back to the Super Bowl, and I was going to be there. But first I had to get there.

The beginning of our journey turned out to be an augury of the Bears running game on Sunday. Our every move was stopped, at every turn, we met an impasse. I was to meet up with friends at 6:30 to drive to Union Station in downtown LA and catch the 7:20 train to San Diego. By the time we’d shoved 6 adults (all over 5’9”) into one small sedan and gotten on the road, it was already 6:55. The station was 25 minutes away…if we broke a couple laws we might make it on time. The route seemed simple enough, get on the 101 and exit at Alameda; turn right at the station. Unfortunately, we quickly learned that all the major East/West streets between Venice and downtown were closed off for the LA Triathlon. We sped through side streets, blowing red lights and ignoring oncoming traffic, until we finally found access to the freeway. Letting out a collective sigh of relief, we turned onto the on-ramp, only to find a large construction vehicle with a “Lane Closed” sign on it blocking the entrance. 7am on a Sunday morning seemed to them a good time for construction, and we were told to wait 10-15 minutes before the ramp would be re-opened. 10-15 minutes we did not have. More illegalities as we reversed down the ramp and sped back the way we came, our driver seemingly drawing inspiration from the climactic car chase in Blues Brothers. 8 minutes later we were finally on the freeway, flying at 90 miles an hour, knees and arms shoved into the sides of the car, sure we weren’t gonna make it. We completed at least one-third of the previously mentioned triathlon at the station sprinting from the ticket kiosk to the train, putting to good use our authentic NFL game jerseys.

Once on the train, things settled down. Southern California flew by in a blur; an empty Angel Stadium, early morning surfers dotting the waves of Oceanside. Some of us slept, some played cards, all heckled or cheered the Chargers and Bears fans accordingly as they passed through our car. I may or may not have told an infant that I would be crying too if I had to wear a Chargers onesie. It’s all hearsay, really. On the trolley from the train station to the stadium we traded bad Bill Swerski impressions and started a rousing chorus of “Bear Down, Chicago Bears.” It felt more and more as if we’d taken a tiny seed of home and re-planted it across the country. Wandering around the parking lot, it became clear that thousands of other Bears fans had done just the same. While I did walk down a few aisles of mostly Chargers fans, there were just as many areas dominated by Bears fans. One wrong turn and I was jeered and shood away or, in one case, picked up against my will and paraded about by a shirtless, tubby man carrying a Chargers flag. One aisle over and I was given beers, offered marriage proposals, or handed Bears wristbands to wear proudly.

When game time came, we entered the stadium, small and plain but beautiful underneath the spate of sunlight from above. As the national anthem was sung and jets flew overhead, I imagined that every heart in the stadium couldn’t help but feel the same surge of pride and pure, simple happiness that mine did. Our seats were in the 9th row on the 40 yard line, behind the Chargers sideline, and we could see the smiles and growls of the players as the game began. It was a war of attrition, to be sure. Both defenses held strong, and it seemed a grave mistake would be the only way a team might score. The Chargers immediately turned to their MVP, LaDanian Tomlinson, going to him on all 6 plays of their first drive. The Bears defense was ready for the challenge, though, and would prove LT’s Nike commercial a far cry from reality. Both offenses struggled early, San Diego coming up with more first downs but hurting themselves with penalties. At the end of the first quarter the Bears blocked a 33 yard field goal attempt by Nate Kaeding and Mike Brown came up with an interception on the Chargers next drive to set up a field goal. Rex Grossman ruined the Bears best scoring chance, throwing an interception on what looked like a miscommunication with Bernard Berrian in the endzone. At halftime, the Bears led 3-0, and the defenses of both teams had established their dominance.

The 3rd quarter saw much of the same. LT struggled on the ground and the Chargers lost yards on penalties. The Bears offense was even more anemic, with Berrian’s receptions providing the only bright spot. Cedric Benson was unimpressive, reaffirming his status as a north-south runner with no burst speed and no highlight reel moves. He had one run in the first half that showed some promise—a nice push through the pack, taking tacklers with him to get the first down. He better do more of that the next game, because Chicago fans will jump all over him quickly if he fumbles again or proves as ineffective as he did Sunday.

At the end of the 3rd, San Diego got just the break they were looking for when the Bears fumbled a punt return, handing the ball over at their own 29. A few plays later LT’s halfback-option pass found Antonio Gates in the endzone to put the Chargers on the board and up 4. San Diego’s next, and only other score, came off another Chicago mistake. Adrian Peterson fumbled on the run—Chicago’s 4th turnover of the day—and the Chargers took advantage of an unrested Bears D with a 7 yard Tomlinson score. At the end of the day the Chargers won 14-3 in a game that hardly met up to the marquee matchup fans expected. The Bears held LT to just 25 yards on 17 carries and Philip Rivers, with no TDs, a fumble and a pick, wasn’t much better than Grossman,(though I’m sure he’ll get a lot less crap for it than Rexy will). In the end, the Bears defense gave the team a chance to win, but the offense couldn’t get it done.

So on a gorgeous sunny day in San Diego, the Bears opened up their season with a loss. I hate to see the team in the basement of the lowly NFC, and I hate to follow up last year’s 7-0 start with a 0-1 beginning. On the other hand, Seattle was the only decent team we faced early on last year, so our undefeated record wasn’t much of an indicator of our talent. Starting off with the Chargers, a favorite to get to the Super Bowl, will only help the team develop and improve. Jumping into the fire right away will do more for us in terms of preparing for big matchups than toasting the Lions or the Vikings would. I’m less worried about the loss of the game than I am about the loss of two of the Bears best defenders, Mike Brown and Dusty Dvoracek, for the season. Grossman, Benson, and our offense better step it up and put some points on the board or it’s gonna be a long season.

Griese Like Sunday Morning

2008-10-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

Griese Like Sunday Morning

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/teamjournals/sarahspainpage.html

Griese Like Sunday Morning

A lot of people have been asking me how I feel about Lovie benching Rex "The Sex Cannon" Grossman and giving Brian "Vivaaaaa Viagra" Griese the start. I haven't seen Griese in action much beyond meaningless pre-season time against 2nd string Ds, so my thoughts will be mostly conjecture, not any sort of informed opinion. With that said, here goes...

I'm hesitantly optimistic.

The first 3 games of the season have made it hard to predict the success (or lack therof) of this year's team. Our defense and special teams have looked good, but as the injuries to key players pile up, we won't be able to depend on the D as much to win games as we have in the past. Regardless, we should still have a shot to win every game if we can get strong play from the back-up defenders who've been forced into starting jobs. Without a vast improvement to our offense, the best we can hope for would be a decent record that's more a reflection of our weak conference than it is our talent. If our offense improves, though, we could find ourselves battling the Pack and the 'Boys for the conference title.

While it isn't fair to blame ALL of our problems on Grossman's poor play, it is fair to say that he wasn't doing his job. Benching Rex is a start, but Griese isn't going to single-handedly revive our offense. Benson needs to show up more consistently and with more heart and assertiveness. He wanted the full weight of the running game on his shoulders, now he has to prove he can handle it. Berrian has been okay, but Moose has all but disappeared. I can't tell whether he's still injured and acting more as a decoy out there than a legit target, or if he's suddenly and inexplicably dropped off as a quality receiver. Olsen and Hester got a lot of hype in the pre-season for spreading the field and keeping defenders guessing but neither has been much of a factor. As a group, our offense just looks like a tired, uninspired, washed-out bunch of guys looking for a good, hard, inspiring slap on the ass. Let's hope Griese's still got enough of an arm on him to give it to 'em.

I've always been more interested in supporting the teams I love than tearing them down, so I'm gonna get behind the newly minted Griese bandwagon as heartily as I tried to tow the sputtering Grossman lemon. Bear down.

What A Difference A Year Makes

2008-10-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

What A Difference A Year Makes

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/teamjournals/sarahspainpage.html

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES

Sunday, October 1, 2006 –
-The Chicago Cubs beat the Colorado Rockies 8-5, but with the worst record in the National League, their season is over.
-The Chicago Bears drub the Seattle Seahawks 37-6 to move to 4-0 on the season.

A YEAR LATER…

Sunday, September 30, 2007 –
-The Chicago Cubs lose to the Cincinnati Reds 8-4, but after clinching the National League Central Division two days earlier, their season is far from over.
-The Chicago Bears lose 37-27 to the Detroit Lions after giving up an NFL record 34 points in the 4th quarter. The Bears drop to 1-3.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES.

Last year, Chicagoans healed their baseball woes with football wins. Early October, rousing choruses of “Bear Down” were almost loud enough to drown out cries of “Wait ‘til next year.” The second coming of the Monsters of the Midway afforded even the most heartbroken of Cubs fans a happy release. This October, while the Wrigley faithful have something to cheer about, Bears fans are left wondering what happened. This October, Chicagoans are taking solace in…the Cubs?

Cubs spring training 2007. After Cubs management spends roughly 300 million dollars to completely re-vamp the team, Chicagoans are drooling over what looks like a dream line-up. The boys of summer start out slow, but after the All-Star break the team goes on a tear, catching up to hated neighbors, the Milwaukee Brewers. Come October, all that pre-season hype turns out to be more than just hype. The Cubs are the NL Central Champions, and they’ll have the pleasure of being a part of Dane Cook’s irritating “There’s Only One October” promos.

Bears Training Camp 2007. After making it to the Big Show and falling just short, the theme for this year’s team is “Unfinished Business.” Reports out of Bourbonnais speak of Rex Grossman’s improved fundamentals and greater confidence. Berrian, Muhammad, Benson and Olsen are touted as the leaders of an offense that make even our defense stand up and take notice. And speaking of the defense, the return of Tommie Harris and the signing of Archuleta and Walker mean another year of domination, right? And how about that Devin Hester…

Well…at least they got that part right.

Sunday’s loss to the Lions was a whole new low for the Bears. Brian Griese was not the savior we all hoped he’d be and the 'Monsters of the Midway' that used to keep us in games, gave this one away. To be fair, the Bears team that stepped on the field Sunday was not the same team that Grossman led to the Super Bowl last year. Griese took over an offense hurting for Thomas Jones, and was backed by a battered and patchy defense that bore little resemblance to last year’s super-crew. It was heartening to see the Bears put up almost 30 points, but that’s hardly something to cheer about considering they gave Detroit almost 40. Griese should get another chance, but next week he should remember why he got the nod: to manage the game. If we want someone to throw caution (and the long ball) to the wind, we’ve got Grossman. Griese’s job is to play it safe, something the leader of next week’s opponent has learned to do on his way to a 4-0 start. The original NFC North gunslinger, Brett Favre, is gonna laugh his way to a shutout next week if Griese doesn’t settle down and lead with patience.

As for the Bears D, ripping them for Sunday’s let-up is as hard as ripping Trevor Hoffman, baseball’s all-time saves leader, for giving away Monday night’s playoff game against the Rockies. For two straight seasons Bears fans have depended on Urlacher and company to win games, even--as was the case against the Cardinals last season--games in which the offense doesn’t score ONE SINGLE POINT. So I’m giving the Bears D a break. Trying to judge their performance when Archuleta, Briggs, Peanut, Vasher, Dusty and Mike Brown all watched from the sidelines is about as useful as reviewing a White Stripes concert that Jack White sits out with laryngitis. We need our starters back. Period. You can’t do much worse than giving up 34 points in the 4th, so things have gotta pick up from here, right? Let’s hope so.

The football season isn’t nearly as long as baseball’s. At a quarter of the way through, the Bears are already at their “All-Star break.” Now is the time to turn it around, Cubs-style. Dropping to 1-4 while letting the Pack move to 5-0 would be disastrous. This Sunday, the Bears have to make a stand against the division leaders. Until then, I’ll be at the bar, Old Style in hand, humming to myself…Go Cubs Go, Go Cubs Go, Hey Chicago, Whattya say, Cubs are gonna win today...

The Numbers Lie

2008-10-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

The Numbers Lie

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/teamjournals/sarahspainpage.html

If you scan the box score from Sunday's Bears/Packers game, the winner seems obvious. The Green Bay Packers dominated every major category, finishing with more passing yards, more rushing yards, more first downs, and more sacks. And yet…the Green Bay Packers lost. See that's the thing about football. It isn't played between the vertical and horizontal lines of a box score. The game isn't decided by sportswriters or Vegas oddsmakers—it isn't even the result of more hoping and praying by one team's fans, though we'd like to believe it is. The winner of a football game is the team that plays the best on the field, not on the page. The winner of this football game, the Chicago Bears, looked like a complete team for the first time this season; with equal contributions on offense, defense and special teams. Sure, there were let-ups and mistakes, but in the end the team, as a team, prevailed.

The first half wasn't pretty—on the page, or on the field. Chicago's defense started poorly, allowing the league's worst rushing team to put up 102 yards in the first half (19 more than Green Bay's previous game high this season). Despite a porous front line, the Bears trailed by just 10 points at halftime, thanks to two tremendous plays by Charles "Peanut" Tillman. In the 1st quarter, with the Packers on the Chicago 19, Tillman stripped the ball out of James Jones' hands and the Bears recovered. On the Pack's next drive, Peanut stripped Jones' again for another Chicago recovery. Had the Packers scored on those two drives, the Bears would have faced a frightening 21-0 deficit in the 1st. Down just 7-0, the Chicago offense got involved early in the 2nd. Brian Griese led a patient, deliberate squad down the field and Cedric Benson ran it 10 yards up the middle to put the Bears on the board. It wasn't the prettiest half of football, but at the break, Chicago was still in it, down 17-7. Momentum was all on the Packers' side though, as they had dominated the first half statistically and psychologically. If the Bears had any hope at all to win, they'd have to be tougher on D and much more effective on offense.

When the 2nd half began, it was clear that Lovie's uncharacteristically "stern" speech at halftime had provided the Bears with something else that doesn't appear in a box score—passion. The Monsters of the Midway had their swagger back; the announcers noting that the Bears were the most confident 1-3 team they'd ever seen. Without Vash, Dusty and Mike Brown, other people had to step up on D. Brian Urlacher, who intercepted a lazy Favre pitch, was one. Lance Briggs, with a career-high 19 tackles, was another. Guess that hammy's feeling better! In the 2nd half, it looked like the Bears defense of old had returned; a defense that would play hard for every down of every Green Bay drive, waiting for the right moment to attack and force a turnover. To be fair, the Bears didn't win the game all on their own. The Packers were dismal. Favre threw three picks (the last of which tied him for the NFL's all-time interceptions record) and the rest of the team fumbled three times and committed 12 penalties. Those penalties were huge, and Chicago capitalized on them.

I won't aggrandize the Bears' performance Sunday. Chicago didn't become New England overnight. There were no Tom Brady's or Randy Moss's out there, but Griese played almost mistake-free and the Bears' tight ends stepped up in place of their injured/ineffective receivers. Greg Olsen and Desmond Clark made some big catches, including Olsen's 19-yard TD in the 3rd. There was no bigger play, however, than Clark's 34-yard touchdown grab across the middle to put the Bears up 7 late in the 4th. Griese read the defense perfectly, whipping it to Clark just after he snuck past the Green Bay secondary. Up 27-20 with less than 2 minutes to play, Chicago kept the Pack out of the red zone, forcing Favre to throw a Hail Mary with almost no time on the clock. Brandon McGowan timed his jump perfectly, grabbing the ball high in the end zone to put the game away.

There's still much for the Bears to improve upon, and 2-3 isn't exactly a record to cheer about, but this was a big win. The patrons of Lambeau Field (and most of America) were primed and ready to hand the Packers their 5th win and crown them the NFC North Champions right then and there. But to paraphrase Denny Green: nobody's asses are getting crowned yet. The division is wide open. With the Saints winless and the Cowboys barely eking by the Bills Monday night, the conference is too. In fact, some might look at Romo's Monday Night Football performance as a turning point a la Rexy at the Cardinals last year. Romo may find himself dropping from the top of the heap to the bottom of the barrel as unceremoniously as our Rexy did. The Bears could go 11-0 from now on and finish the season 13-3, just like last year. Sure, the numbers don't seem to favor that scenario, but as the Packers learned Sunday, the only numbers that really matter are the ones on the scoreboard at the end of the game.

The Grass Is Always Greener..

2008-10-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

The Grass Is Always Greener..

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/teamjournals/sarahspainpage.html

For the past few seasons, Bears fans have depended on our team's outstanding defense to get us wins. With the exception of a few great games during the "Good Rex" period early last season, our offense has left something to be desired. So while Chicagoans have loved the sense of security the Monsters of the Midway provide on D, we've always been a little green with envy watching offenses like New England's perform. The end of this Sunday's Bears/Vikings game gave Chicago fans a taste of how the other half lives. Now it seems the grass is always greener…

The 1st quarter saw both teams feeling each other out a little bit. Each broke out for a couple decent runs, but neither offense managed to put together enough first downs to get on the board. Finally, with 1:56 to go, Devin Hester decided to make downs obsolete, returning Chris Kluwe's punt 89 yards for the score. Looks like the Bears will continue to get squib kicks and great field position in the coming weeks. Late in the 1st the Vikings answered, as Tarvaris Jackson found Troy Williamson behind Adam Archuleta for the 60 yard TD. Ouch. Those are the kind of big plays Bears fans aren't used to seeing from an opponent. You gotta wonder what this cover 2 would look like with Mike Brown and Vash on the field. No time to wonder, as the Bears get back on top quickly. The very next drive Griese Like Sunday Morning took a play out of Sexy Rexy's book, finding Bernard Berrian deep up the right sideline for the 39 yard six-pack. Berrian looking like himself again—streaking deep, legs churning, arms outstretched—was a welcome sight after a couple weeks of mediocre play from our receivers. Bears up 14-7.

The D held Minnesota to two quick 3-and-outs and it seemed the Bears were in control of this one until...late in the 2nd, Vikings rookie and apparent second coming of LT, Adrian Peterson, took over. Peterson turned a 2nd and 10 at the Minnesota 33 into a 67 yard touchdown run. Peterson, or as an acquaintance (and Vikings fan) calls him, "Purple Jesus," showed the kind of burst speed, cutbacks and accelerations that Benson could only dream of. His run turned a usually swarming Bears defense into a bunch of individuals in wide-open space (none of whom could remember how to tackle). With the score knotted at 14, the Bears headed into the locker room to face what I can only imagine was a repeat of Lovie's fiery halftime speech from last week.

With the 3rd quarter set to begin, the Bears lined up to kick off to Peterson, Chicagoans licking their lips, waiting for the rook to get lit up by a reinvigorated Chicago team. Instead, Peterson picked up right where he left off, returning for 34 yards and setting up the Vikes at their own 38. Fortunately, the soon-to-be-out-of-a-job Chester Taylor couldn't get anything going and the Bears took over after a quick Viking 3-and-out. Most of the 3rd quarter looked like the 2nd, with both defenses getting enough stops to keep the score locked at 14s. But, as in the 2nd quarter, he-who-shall-not-be-named was about to strike. 1st and 10 from the Minnesota 27 and the hand-off goes to Peterson, who smokes just about every Bear defender on the field on his way to a 73 yard score. Vikings and Purple Jesus up 14-7.

On the last drive of the 3rd, Griese once again stole some of the sweet stylings of his predecessor, hitting one of Rex's favorite targets: the other team. Minnesota linebacker Ben Leber picked off Griese near the 50, putting the Bears D right back on the field. Chicago kept LT Jr. under wraps on the opening drive of the 4th, and Griese found Greg "mmm, that IS a tight end" Olsen across the middle for a big 31 yard gain. While they couldn't find the endzone, Chicago at least managed to put some points on the board with a field goal. 14-10 and the Bears were definitely in this one. Just gotta get a big stop from our defense, who we can always count on, yes? Adrian Peterson says: "no." With 4:10 on the clock Purple Jesus struck again, this time racing 35 yards up the left sideline, leaving Bears defenders looking like living examples of what they call in basketball "matador defense." No doubt about it, this rookie was straight up owning us.

I'd have to look at game tapes (and maybe jump in at safety in a couple Bears practices), but it seems Chicago's front line isn't putting as much pressure on QBs or stopping the run at its inception as quickly, both of which make it more dangerous for our corners and safeties to take the kind of chances they're used to. This new tendency to give up big plays—both on the deep ball and on big runs—seems to result from gaps in the cover 2. Without being able to count on aggressive play up front, the safeties are getting burned trying to cheat up and cover guys hovering behind Urlacher and the corners.

Vikings up 21-10 with less than 4 minutes on the clock. Chicago fans find themselves in unfamiliar territory…the D keeps giving up big plays and we need the offense to put together a big drive. 1st play of the drive, Griese make Bears fans feel a little more at home—by throwing another pick. Hindsight is 20/20, and looking back on this loss, it's easy to point to Griese's two 4th quarter picks as the nail in the Bears' coffin. However…Bears fans were too busy hoping for an improbable last-minute comeback to point fingers. After our defense shut down the Minnesota attack, it was time for the impossible—a Brian Griese-led 2-minute drill for 2 touchdowns. And yet…that's just what happened. First, Griese found the recently absent Muhsin Muhammad up the middle for the easy 33-yard TD with 2:36 on the clock. Then, after another big stop by our D, Griese hit Hester deep up the right sideline for an 81 yard score to tie it up at 31. Good Lord I love Devin Hester.

Bears fans rejoiced! It really IS great to have an offense that can make big plays late in the game. It really DOES feel good to still be in a game despite a defense that allows a rookie RB 224 rushing yards on 20 carries and touchdown runs of 67, 73 and 35 yards. Nevermind that Peterson set a franchise record for rushing yards in a game and gained the most yards against the Bears in their 88-year history. We still had a chance! Our offense kept us in it! Griese IS Tom Brady! Except…there was still the matter of stopping Peterson. With 1:38 on the clock Lovie inexplicably called the kickoff to go to Peterson, who returned it 53 yards—just enough to put the Vikings in field goal position. Ryan Longwell drilled the 55-yarder and that was all she wrote. Griese, Hester and the rest of offense delivered two touchdowns when it counted most, and our defense couldn't stop the one guy on the field that had been burning them all day. A loss is a loss, so what feels better? Losing because of great offense…no defense? Great defense…no offense? The grass is always greener…

Mailin’ It In

2008-10-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

Mailin’ It In

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/teamjournals/sarahspainpage.html

There's a lot going on in the world of Sarah Spain right now. I won't bore you with details, I'll just say that my brain (not to mention my time) is so full of *stuff* that writing intelligent, cogent commentary about the Bears/Eagles game is proving difficult. Instead of trying to force organized prose out of a disorganized mind, I will instead mirror my brain's clutter with a post in the form of a sort of stream of consciousness rant. What follows is a pieced-together look at the notes I took down while watching the game. I apologize in advance.

1st Quarter:
Bears look pumped. This is a make-or-break game and Philly's a hard team to read. Their inconsistency this season reminds me of a certain QB, in a certain city, with a certain nickname beginning with Sexy. Hmm…Brian Griese kind of looks like Dennis Quaid. I think it's in the eyes and the bone structure. Donovan McNabb is looking a little "hippy" – must not be getting as much cardio in with that reconstructed knee. Oh look, they aren't kicking to Hester. What a surprise. First Bears drive and wow, Cedric Benson is disappointing. Wonder if Brian Westbrook does private running back tutoring sessions. I imagine his hourly rate would be pretty high, but the Bears might want to think about hiring him in the offseason to help Ceddy out. Or maybe they could just use that money to buy a real RB instead. Decent Eagles drive, glad they only got a field goal outta that. 3-0 Philly. Quarter's over already and the Bears have seen about 3 minutes of action on offense. Not a good way to start this one…

2nd Quarter:
Griese to Olsen. I'm lovin' this combo. With his injury behind him Olsen is finally showing Chicago fans the speed and athleticism everyone was talking about in training camp. He should be able to create some huge mismatches. Griese to Clark. The announcers are really harping on the conspicuously absent Bears' wide receivers. Our offense is killing fantasy owners. Can't count on much from anyone, just a little bit from everyone. Thankfully, spreading it around is just fine with those of us that still care more about our actual team than we do our fantasy players. Oh geez. Robbie "good as" Gould missing a 39 yard-er is all we need. Gould and Hester are our constants. The way our offense looks today we're gonna need all the field goals we can get. Camera pans to a cheerleader during the break. Creepy camera guy tells her "one of the guys in the truck thinks you have great eyes." Funny, 'cause his camera certainly isn't focused on her eyes. Sometimes I'd rather not watch these games at work (I get a live feed, no commercials). I just don't need to hear Al Michaels singing along to the background jams and Madden asking for a sandwich. I feel like I'm intruding on a private man-to-man talk. On the other hand, they've got some great things to say about replays before they analyze them live. Back to the cheerleader. She does have quite nice eyes, but why in the world do the Eagles cheerleaders have pink pom-poms? Last I checked magenta wasn't one of Philly's colors. Still better than the "jorts" and ripped heavy metal tees the Jacksonville gals wear sometimes. Just 'cause your fans are white trash doesn't mean you have to dress down to them. You don't see Packer cheerleaders gaining 40 pounds and refusing to wax their mustaches now, do you? Oh, this doesn't look good. Another patient, methodical drive by the Iggles. Thank god their red zone offense is pathetic. 6-0 on another Akers field goal. It's amazing how different a return looks when Rashied Davis is the one with the ball, not Hester. Nothin' doin'. He used to do alright…must've gotten rusty watching Hester from the sidelines. Griese to Moose! Oh Moose, you've been missed. Man are you slow though. That run looked like a DB on a pick-six. Great catch though. 44 yard gain and the Bears are in business. Up the sideline to Hester but he can't make the grab. As the announcers point out, if Griese had thrown that pass earlier it would have been an easy 6. Hester's first step is gonna burn any cover guy, the pass just has to get there before he runs out of field. Enough about the birds, guys. Yeah, Eagles=birds, got it. Wow. What a play by Griese. Sheldon Brown comes at him untouched and he brushes him right off and hits Olsen right side. I've got a feeling Sexy Rexy would've overreacted to that pressure and thrown it away. Moose again. Look at that announcers! Big plays from our wide receivers. Unfortunately, more red zone futility. We have to settle for another field goal attempt. 31 yarder…It's up, It's Gould! There we go. At least we're on the board. 6-3. Man, we cannot stop the run at its inception. Our front line has been getting consistently burned by RBs for weeks. It looks like it's about bad angles—you gotta hope it's not about heart. Another Philly field goal. Now this is great football…snoooore. 9-3 Eagles. We can't stop a drive to save our lives but Philly can't score a TD to save theirs so it's a 6 point game. The announcers have it right again...we're play calling like we have our old defense. The Bears aren't gonna win games by putting up a TD or two anymore. We need to air it out and puts some points up to give our D a break.

3rd Quarter:
More mobility from the old man. Griese avoids Lito Shepherd and hits AP for a big 1st down. Now to McKie from the 3 yard line…he's…not in. Damn. Replay shows that Berrian pussed out on a block. I wonder if there are a lot of plays like that. Bears laziness that the average viewer doesn't catch onto but that costs us games. We're so gonna score on this one anyway. At the 1 yard line? We've got this in the bag. Oh snap. Literally. Kreutz and Griese treat us to the Grossman preseason special. Snap fumbled, Bears recover and have to settle for another field goal. 9-6 Eagles. Another Westbrook 1st down with Charles "Peanut" Tillman and Hunter "I look like a prep school lax player on 'roids" Hillenmeyer BOTH right there. It doesn't seem possible that these are the same players as last year. No fundamentals. Are we trying to strip first, tackle second? Why can't we get this guys down? More importantly, what is going on with the back of Nick Runyan's neck? Every time they cut to a tight shot of the Eagles huddle the viewer is subjected to an up-close view of Runyan's ape-like, sweat-drenched neck hair. Ugh. Thank goodness McFlabb couldn't connect on those last two passes. Eagles punt…we're still in this. This looks like another nice methodical drive by Griese and the offense.

4th Quarter:
Gould hits again. What an utterly boring tie game. 9-9. Yes! Two big sacks by Tommie. A huge stop for our D. 3-and-out for the Eagles and we've got a chance to take the lead. Holy Benson big gain. Haven't seen him pick up more than 10 in a coon's age. What the…no!!!!!!!! Bad snap…fumble recovery for TD…wait, wait…it's coming back. Ed Hochuli, the Brian Urlacher of the referee world, tells us "the ball was snapped beyond a quarterback under center, so it's a 5 yard false start penalty on the offense." Has anyone ever heard of that rule? Greatest rule in the book, says me. Another field goal. I loooooove Gould. 45 yarder. Bears up 12-9. This is a real barn burner. Dammit. I don't care what Kevin Curtis scored on the Wunderlich test, just stop him. 23 yard gain. Eagles rolling. Oh man, touchdown Matt Schobel. Here comes Madden again: "Like I said, whichever team scores a touchdown is gonna win it." Well shit. 16-12 Philly. All hope is not lost, though. Yeah, we haven't found the end zone all day but Griese and the offense have been clutch the last couple weeks, getting it done late in games. Big drive, on it's way. Hmm, incomplete, penalty, incomplete, sack. That probably won't work. Here's the test. The D has been decent all day—no big plays or Purple Jesus-like performances. Now's when it counts. 4 minutes on the clock and we need a stop and the ball. What in the holy hell? We just let fatty McEagleston with a bum knee and the weight of that huge chip on his shoulder RUN it for the 1st down? That is plain embarrassing. Nice, key stop by Archuleta, putting a body on McDrab. Still not sold on Archie, seeing how many big plays he's given up this season, but at least he pushed 'em back to 2nd and 13 on this one. "There's a flag!" "Where?" "On the field" "…Oh" Still don't understand it, but I'm quoting Soldier Field's finest. Big Philly penalty and they're punting. Holy crap that was a great punt. Damnit. Okay. A 2 minute drill starting at our 3 with the game on the line. If the last few games are any indication, now's the time for Griese Does It to shine. Bears have no timeouts (those couple miscommunications between Hester and Moose, etc. are coming back to haunt us). Griese to Clark. Nice. Griese to Orange Jesus (alright, alright, OUR Adrian Peterson isn't exactly a savior, but damn that was a key 9 yards). Griese to Hester. There ya go, kid. I can't believe this is happening. 25-yarder to Berrian and we're in Eagles territory. Our offense is a well-oiled machine. Our offense is a couple of lovers in the throes of passionate, rhythmic lovemaking. Our offense is an assembly line of 1st down production. Our offense is the sound of a thousand angels singing in unison. Our offense is several more cliches and a maxim or two. Half a minute to play. Super Hester for 21 yards! It's great that he's starting to find his way on offense. It's not just about the go route anymore. Hester's gonna be making big time plays all the time now that he's getting the playbook down. Holy Halas! Griese's done it again! Griese to Moose…this touchdown is brought to you by the AARP. Moose may be old but he's still got the fire in him. On a post route, gutsy call, gutsy throw, gutsy catch. Bears up 19-16. I love these guys. If I were a man, my pants would have just gotten tighter. Wow, everyone at work is staring at me. I blacked out there for a minute. Ah, I see. Apparently I just jumped out of my chair and did several awkward, near-groin-pulling aerial spins whilst squealing. Thank god I work in sports. That display would have been far more obtrusive at say, a proctologist's office. It's just Griese, man. He's thrown for 463 yards and five touchdowns in the fourth quarter this season (103.4 passer rating). Heck yes. Lovie and the boys said they wanted to treat this like a playoff game and they got the win. 3-4 ain't great and the game wasn't pretty, but we're still in this thing. Meanwhile, the Eagles go down in a fiery blaze. Poor Donovan. Another loss. And people are gonna be so much harder on him than they would any other QB with a losing record. I mean, no one picks on Marc Bulger. Or Carson Palmer. Cheer up, Donovan. Your city has just been honored - http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/20071019_Hey__Were_not_just_fat_-_were_ugly__too.html

College Football v. NFL - Part 1

2008-10-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

College Football v. NFL - Part 1

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/cfbvsnflone.html

College Football v. NFL - Part I of II

Paul M. Banks (college) v. Sarah Spain (NFL-bold)

We know you've all had this argument before: at the sports bar, during holiday parties, at the tailgate. In autumn, some people look forward to Saturdays each week, others count down the days till Sunday. Now the debate hits S&PCB...

Superior tradition, pageantry, Fight Songs etc.

- Football began in the 1860s with a collegiate match between Princeton and Rutgers. It has a 60 year head start on the professional league and that deeper sense of history has spawned numerous rituals that give the fan a greater emotional reaction than you can not find in the more business like professional ranks. The scripting of O-H-I-O, Notre Dame's "Play like a champion today" sign, the singing of "Rocky Top at Tennessee;" the college game is the one with the superior traditions, unique quirks and more colorful rituals. And listen to the fight songs in the amateur ranks! Don't get me wrong, I love hearing local talent Soulja Boy's "Crank That" at Soldier Field when the opponent is ready to kick to Devin Hester or Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin" when Dez Clark has a big gain down the middle on a slant route, but neither experience compares to a time tested fight song like when all of Spartan Stadium at Michigan State sings along word for word, and continues singing even when the band has stopped playing and action resumes. (OK, I admit that last example is a little creepy in a quasi-Fascist sort of way), still Michigan's fight song is so old the lyrics actually say "champions of the west" because it was written back when that part of the nation was considered the frontier. I doubt Jock Jams, 2 Unlimited's "Get Ready for This" and Kernkraft "Zombie Nation" will still move thousands of people over 100 years from now.

Well, as for fight songs specifically...The NFL equivalent to a fight song would be "Bear Down" not "Crank That." Hearing lifelong Bears fans singing Bear Down is just as goosebump-inducing as hearing alumni sing their old fight song -- so it's a tie there. (btw...check out this link to see me and my Super Bowl date awkwardly singing Bear Down for the Chicago Trib guy when we're suddenly joined by Tommie Harris!

http://redeye.mycapture.com/mycapture/photos/FImage.aspx?ImageID=41409&EventID=217638&CategoryID=22693&Collecti..0&Sort=

Songs like "Big Pimpin'" played throughout the game are more like school bands playing tried and true favorites like "Hang On Sloopy." I do appreciate the youthful, nostalgic feel of a big marching band sitting in the seats along with the fans, so I'll at least give college football the win there. However, fight songs and pageantry sort of fall under the more general category of "overall game experience." Leaving out actual players and game play for now, the NFL wins for game experience for a simple reason... In college 4 hours of class is considered a full day's work and binge drinking every day of the week is accepted. In The Real World most people are lucky to get out after 8 hours of work and are forced to limit their excessive drinking to the weekends. Saturday college football games are the beginning of a full day of other drunken activities including but not limited to: unprotected sex, recreational drug use, keg stand-ing and foam partying.

Meanwhile, Sunday NFL games are one of few remaining acceptable activities for which adults can be completely hammered. (Weddings and bachelor(ette) parties are two other such notable occasions). I love the pageantry of college games but NFL tailgating and post-partying offers up a social opportunity that those of us in the real world sorely miss now that we can't head to a party full of attractive co-eds any day of the week. NFL games are also a great time for family bonding. Yes, there are lots of parents that have raised their kids to love a certain college team, but often times those kids grow up and become loyal to their own alma mater. No matter where they move or where they go to school, they'll still be able to come home to root for their NFL team.

Everyone gets a team

-There are numerous states in the Deep South and Great Plains where dozens of large communities lack professional teams. Pro franchises are hundreds of miles apart from each other. College football gives these people and the entire state something to cheer for, which is extra special when pro teams are few and far between. In places like Alabama, Mississippi, and Nebraska, college football is more than a past time...because it has to be.

Very good point. College wins that one. On the other hand, some of those Mississippians and Arkansans are still hard core NFL fans, regardless of distance.

Every game counts v. 1-3 team coming back to make playoffs to make playoffs

-In college football, there is no room for error. One loss and you can kiss your BCS chances goodbye. If you schedule all cupcakes in your pre-conference (like Kansas St. and Minnesota usually do) in order to stock up on wins, the computer will make sure you're left out of the big party later. Every game is a playoff game, and no matter what the scenario is, you always have to, as Larry the Cable Guy would say "get-r-done." Although I agree with you that having fewer games than baseball or basketball makes each one more meaningful

After waiting months and months for football season to start, you wanna go into every week with hope and get at least half a season under your belt before you know the dream is over. I'd much rather hold out hope that my team can pull it together to make the season count than know by week 2 that they're out of it. One or two bad games for a college team, and they're done. Injured QB? Too bad. Team tragedy? Suck it up. Team chemistry slow to take hold? Sorry fo' ya. There are still only 16 NFL games a year, so unlike baseball or basketball, every game DOES count...just not enough to ruin your whole season. I believe in second chances (and in the case of my Bears, third...and fourth...and fifth...)

College Football v. NFL - Part 2

2008-10-11T11:34:00.001-07:00

College Football v. NFL - Part 2

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/cfbvsnfltwo.html

College Football v. NFL - Part II of II

By Paul M. Banks (college) and Sarah Spain (NFL-bold)

We know you've all had this argument before: at the sports bar, during holiday parties, at the tailgate. In autumn, some people look forward to Saturdays each week, others count down the days till Sunday. Now the debate hits S&PCB...

The Al Bundy/Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite factor

"I scored five touchdowns in the state championship game"
--Al Bundy, Married With Children

The simpler offenses and wide open jersey numbering system makes the game much more appealing to a larger audience. In America, the "free market" "deregulation" and "democracy" are sacrosanct. Wide receivers and running backs should all be able to choose whatever numbers they want; unlike the Fascist NFL numbering system. Seeing the playmakers in single digit numbers is really cool because this helps us former players reminisce about our high school (as Bruce Springsteen would say) glory days. Watching Illinois' top rushing attack this season reminds me of another athlete wearing a blue and orange 5. (OK, not really. Rashard Mendenhall was never as often-injured or as low on his team's depth chart as I was.)

When I saw We are Marshall, I laughed hysterically at the scene where the coach mentions what a simple offense the veer is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veer

It reminded me of a week in practice back in 1995 when I ran Thornwood high school's offense on scout team. I thought it was the most primitive offense I've ever seen. I learned the entire playbook overnight! This is an example of why college football features more systems and formations that former players and more fans can relate to. They saw the exact same thing in high school. We don't get to see this part of the game much in the NFL.

Numbers, schmumbers. I was 23 in all my sports and I love to see Hester and Jordan dominate, but I'd never consider the number connection to be anywhere near the top of the list of reasons why I love the NFL. I get the appeal of all levels of sport but nothing can compare to watching the best there is. When I want to remember how it feels to completely dominate, I just whoop on some short dudes at the playground. : )

When you get down to it, everyone wants to watch the BEST of the best. The NFL features the fastest, strongest, hardest hitting, biggest guys in the world. Sure, it's nice to watch a game and be able to pick out offenses you ran, but the real excitement is seeing guys do things you could NEVER do. Watching Hester burn a whole field of pro players is even more exciting than watching him burn a field of college guys, many of whom could never compete in the NFL. Sure, high school and college are still fun to watch (especially when you wanna re-live the glory days!) but nothing can compare to watching the best.

Purity: more about the game than being an athletic mercenary

-OK, we all know about the corruption beneath the surface in the lives of college athletes, but we don't discuss it openly. It isn't exactly helped by news items like the Colorado program's "prostitution slush fund," but like Wham told us in their hit song "Careless Whisper" -"there's no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find." Exhibit A of this maxim is the negative PR this past off season concerning NFL players. The '07 NFL off season news cycle greatly overshadowed the illegal activities in the college game. Pac Man, Vick and other malfeasants at their level would likely be dismissed from their program in college without being given multiple chances; even if they went to Miami or Florida State. Yes, Roger Goodell has gotten more hard line, but the fact that he has to displays how much more criminal activity truly exists in the professional ranks.

Also, there are no training camp holdouts or franchise tag related negotiation issues. It's more about the love of the game and loyalty to the team. Especially when you subtract the distractions of monetary bonuses earned from individual statistical benchmarks.

While the NFL has its issues, part of the reason the issues are more prevalent is because these are adults, with all the issues and responsibilities of adults. College players have everything planned out for them--practice, class, study hall, curfew, etc. Sure, you can get into a little trouble in college if you don't like authority, but pulling a Marcus Vick is just pathetic when your life isn't that complicated. Once you're in the pros and football is your job, it just gets easier to get caught up in the money, the hos, paying bills, taking care of kids, families, etc. It's not right either way, and neither set of players has an excuse, but for me it's much more upsetting to see college kids acting out. Let's agree that it's a tie on this one--I hate watching talent go to waste because players just can't get their sh*t together off the field.

The love of the game idea is a nice sentiment, but I don't think the argument is as viable now. Sure, players at smaller colleges are in it for the love of the game. One of my football player friends at Cornell was trying to go pro, but for the most part the guys were playing because they couldn't imagine NOT playing. These big college programs are getting to be more and more like pro teams now, though. You hate to see what coaches and programs are willing to do under the table to get the big recruits coming out of high school. If you're a 17 year old kid and you're already exposed to that side of the "business" it's hard to view football as just a game you love.

Players switch teams, sit out a year, ask for release, take money under the table, and fight it out for a small number of scholarships. All these issues are just like franchise tags, holdouts, etc. in the pros, they just aren't as closely covered by the media. And regardless of what others may think, I don't think all pro football players lose their love of the game just because they make it to the big leagues. If they're the kind of guy that's gonna take plays off and only kick it in when their contract is up, then they've probably already lost that love in college or earlier. Take Jamarcus Russell. I'm sure people would attribute the effort he gave in college to a love of the game but there's no way he suddenly flipped a switch and became money-hungry right when he hit the NFL. Obviously, the guy was about dollar bills, not loyalty, and now he's screwed the Raiders into starting Josh McCown. There are always gonna be guys--on all levels--who don't love the game enough, but there's also gonna be guys like Favre that'll never lose their childlike joy for the game of football. That's something even Packer-haters can love.

The Postseason

Uhuummmmm..well...yeah, I'm just going to go ahead and concede this one to you. Everyone realizes that 90% of the bowl games are just glorified corporate outings where someone also invited two college football teams. Having stadiums named after a multinational money making machine is one thing, replacing the game's actual name with that of the brand seeking more publicity is indefensible. (It will ALWAYS be the Citrus Bowl to me, not the Capital One Bowl)

Beyond indefensible is the BCS's BS. When undefeated teams get shut out of playing for the title, (like Auburn and Boise St. have recently) everyone loses. The win-or-go-home mid-winter tournament that is the NFL playoffs is truly the pinnacle of professional sports.

You nailed it. BCS = BS and lame-named bowls = consolation prizes for losers. Yeah, it's nice to watch your team in a post-season game, even if their season was a disappointment, but it's sorta like getting hyped up for the 3rd place match in a tourney when you know the better teams are in the Championship. As an NFL fan, it hurts if your team isn't in the Super Bowl, but losing in the NFL playoffs is more respectable than winning some consolation no-name bowl. The Super Bowl is it. You can't deny that that ONE game, ONCE a year, for all the marbles, featuring the greatest players in the world, is the greatest spectacle in sport.

Writer’s Strike

2008-10-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

Writer’s Strike

I went with my friend and fellow host Greg Chard to Friday's WGA strike to talk to some of the writers on the picket lines. A lot of people--especially those outside Los Angeles--are unaware of the main issues that caused this strike, so we wanted to get the real story out. Over 4,000 WGA members and supporters showed up at the rally, including many well known TV and film stars. We learned a lot about the issues and had some fun cracking jokes with some of Hollywood's most talented writers and actors, including Tom Arnold and Thomas Lennon (Reno 911's Lt. Jim Dangle). Check out some quick videos we made by copying and pasting this link:

www.youtube/user/spain2323

Unfinished Business

2008-10-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

Unfinished Business

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/teamjournals/sarahspainpage.html

This summer in training camp the 2007 Chicago Bears announced their
mantra for the upcoming season. It was simple, powerful and inspirational:
"Unfinished Business." After a disappointing Super Bowl loss,
Lovie Smith and the boys had one focus for the season—to get back to the
big show and, this time, to win it all. Perhaps the Bears looked too
far ahead. Maybe all the talk of a score to settle in the Championship
got them hyped up for a future that they'll likely never see. The
desire to get back on top is understandable, but the need to be present in
the now is essential.

Chicago hasn't won back-to-back games all season. Rarely has the team
come together and performed well on all fronts. The Bears couldn't
score against the Chargers but their D made LT look useless. The defense
was MIA in their first lost to the Lions, and they couldn't muster
more than a touchdown in the second loss. Griese and the offense kept
them in it against the Vikings but the defense practically rolled out a
Welcome mat in the end zone for Adrian Peterson. No part of this
year's Chicago Bears team is strong enough to win a game on its own, and
that's exactly why this team hasn't won many games. Sunday's contest
was another example of a team divided.

The Bears offense started off with a bang. Cedric Benson ran it for a
career-long 43 yard TD on just the second play of the game, making good
on a huge hole created by our offensive line. Benson's six-pack was
the Bears' first 1st quarter touchdown all year. A patient and
methodic Seahawks drive was nullified by an unlikely Josh Brown miss, and Rex lead the team down the field again. A Gould field goal put Chicago up 10-0 and things looked swell. Unfortunately, the Bears had to hand the
ball back over to Hasselbeck and the 'Hawks. Another patient drive
from Seattle, this time resulting in a DJ Hackett touchdown. For most of
the game, it appeared as though the Bears were running a sort of
"prevent" defense. They were willing to give up quick slant routes and short passes, hoping to keep the 'Hawks from making any big plays. While a 70
yard bomb'll kill ya quicker than a series of 7-10 yard gains, that
doesn't mean those gains won't kill ya just the same. This is the same
sort of game plan Chicago used in the Super Bowl...and we all know how
that story ends.

Midway through the 2nd the Seahawks struck again, this time with some
help from a Chicago special teams error. The Bears were forced to punt
from deep in their own territory, but managed to hold Nate Burleson to
just a 10 yard return. Unfortunately, Rod Wilson put a hit on Burleson
after he was well out of bounds, giving the Seahawks an extra 15 yards.
Wilson's stupid penalty allowed the Seahawks to start from the Bears
32 yard line and, in just 4 plays, Seattle took the lead on a Maurice
Morris rushing TD. Thankfully, the Bears offense showed up again on a 60
yard drive that ended with an Adrian Peterson touchdown. Grossman
looked great, going 6-for-6 to three different receivers. It was good to
see Greg Olsen get more looks this game, although I have yet to see the
blistering speed everyone that raved about in spring training. Thus far,
Olsen's used his size to make some great grabs, but I'd love to see him
make something happen after a catch every once in awhile. The game was
all tied up at the half, 17-17.

Chicago's special teams came out of the break and immediately gave up
another big play, allowing a 44 yard kickoff return by Burleson. Then
Burleson burned our D, too. Hasselbeck had time to eat a sandwich and
wash it down with lemonade before hitting Burleson in the end zone,
wedged between two defenders who seemed entirely uninterested in covering him. The Bears couldn't make anything happen on their next drive but
then Ogunleye stripped Hasselbeck and Urlacher (who looks a little like
a Viking Sea Captain with his red-tinted beard) collected the fumble.
That set up a huge play. 4th and 1 at the Seattle 25 and Benson
couldn't pick up the yard to keep the drive going. Lovie Smith has come under fire in the last few days for not giving Benson the ball enough after
that great first touchdown run, but until Ced can prove himself in
clutch situations like that 4th and 1, I don't blame Lovie for his
hesitance.

Early in the 4th Sexy Rexy and the offense got to the Seattle 29 to set
up another Gould field goal. 24-20 Seahawks. With the lead down to 4
points the Bears' defense came back onto the field and responded
by…giving up a 59 yard catch to Hackett on the first play of the nex
drive. Another Seattle field goal and the lead was back up to 7. With 8
minutes to play the Bears started the biggest drive of the game. First
Grossman hit Moose for a 22 yard gain on a great grab up the right
sideline. Next play, Grossman went to Berrian (who had 9 catches for 102
yards) for an even more spectacular one-handed catch for 23 yards. At the Seattle 42, with all the momentum on the Bears' side, Grossman tried to
scramble instead of throwing it away and got stripped. The Seahawks
recovered and the air was knocked complete out of the Bears' proverbial
sails. Grossman was 24 of 37 for 266 yards and no picks, but no play
was bigger than that fumble. Josh Brown hit another field goal for the
'Hawks on the other end and their 10 point lead was too much for the
Bears to make up.

The offense wasn't perfect, but it was penalties and poor play on
defense and special teams that lost this game for the Bears. Now sitting
in the NFC North cellar, topped by perennial ass-hats, the Lions, things
look dreary for last year's division champs. All that talk of
finishing what they started last year and instead the Bears have only given
themselves more unfinished business. The team is still mathematically
eligible for the playoffs, but it will take some luck if Chicago hopes to
play in January. Rather than focusing on early '08, let's hope the
Bears decide to take care of business next week first, 'cause you
can't finish something you never get to start.

Brief Thoughts on Playboy’s Sexiest Sportscaster Poll

2008-10-11T11:30:00.000-07:00

Brief Thoughts on Playboy’s Sexiest Sportscaster Poll

http://www.sportsandpopculturebank.com/sspoll.html

With the second ever Sexiest Sportscaster poll currently making the news, I had to ask my regular female contributor for her thoughts on the poll; as well as the issues of gender and sexuality that surround it. For insight on how the media's presentation of women in sports journalism can affect and shape public opinion, I asked the perfect source: one with plenty of first-hand experience.

--Paul M. Banks

The balance of power between men and women in the sports industry is one I'm faced with every day. While I could go on for days arguing a variety of points, this isn't a thesis on sexuality and society, so I'll try to keep it brief. My basic belief is that women shouldn't be required to conceal their beauty or sexuality in order to be respected. The secret isn't to de-sexualize women, but rather to accept that someone can be a sexual being while also possessing innumerable other qualities. If Playboy wants to have a poll asking people to vote for the hottest sideline reporter, I say go for it. The problem isn't with the idea of viewing these women as sexual beings, the problem is that many people aren't willing to view them as anything else. I have very strong feelings on gender stereotypes and the oversimplified characterizations society maintains, but I also have a healthy acceptance of the way the world and the human race function. Trying to fight the natural urges and desires of the human body and mind is futile. Rather than chastising people for noticing a woman's beauty, instead the focus should be on proving to them that there's something behind that façade.

As Paul Banks said in his piece, society has trouble dealing with multifaceted, complex people who don't fit into a certain "box." During my Super Bowl media blitz, I was instantly assumed to be an "attention whore" with fake boobs, no brain and no sports knowledge. By the end of the 60-something interviews I did for radio, TV and print, nearly every member of the media I spoke to admitted that I was nothing like the girl they'd expected after seeing my picture. I'm no idiot. A photo of me in a loose-fitting Bears tee-shirt never could have drawn the publicity and interest needed for my e-Bay plan to work. At the same time, never once throughout the process did I carry myself in a cheap or over-sexualized manner. I deflected questions about my looks or my chest and won people over with the truth: that I'm a huge Bears fan, an Ivy-League educated television producer, my boobs are real (for the billionth time) and—the part that's hard for some to accept—that I'm a girl that doesn't fit into a stereotype. (That means you, Colts fan/S&PCB reader who asserted that I know nothing about football without ever having read a word of my work).

The same principle applies to women of the sports media. Rather than feel challenged or bested in a world they consider "theirs," many men would rather subjugate and demean the very women they're admiring. By placing these women in a role that is purely aesthetic, men don't have to accept the idea of a woman who is both knowledgeable and attractive. Unfortunately, there are also many women who assume inferior roles in the workplace and home, conceal their intelligence or withhold their opinions for fear of intimidating or angering their male colleagues or lovers. These women do just as much to preserve stereotypes as men do. This goes back to that Colts fan who, rather than supporting another female, elected to attack me and try to cut me down without impetus or evidence. Society breeds men to view women as sex objects, thereby making women see each other as "competition." Women in predominantly male industries would do well to support each other, but that's a much larger issue that I don't have time to get into right now.

The point is: Let women in sports be sexy! Let men in sports be sexy (hello, Jesse Palmer)! Just appreciate that while you're admiring their beauty, you're also getting the results of their years of hard work, practice and passion. Fortunately, there are plenty of men and women who already accept and support well-rounded, multifaceted, smokin' hot chicks like Erin Andrews, who I think will win this year's poll for her combination of outstanding sports knowledge, a great ass and an undeniably endearing personality.

Nipple Stickers ‘n Skivvies

2008-10-11T11:29:00.000-07:00

Nipple Stickers ‘n Skivvies

The other day I saw a commerical for the new movie "Beowulf" and was reminded of an absolutely ridiculous, mildly humiliating, only-in-LA experience I had a few years ago. I subscribe to a casting service called Actors Access that sends out breakdowns for movies, TV shows and commercials. It's a great tool for actors and hosts who don't have agents, as you can submit your headshot, resume and information directly to casting directors. In August of 2005 I was sent the following breakdown:

BEOWULF (motion capture females)
Feature Film
SAG

Director: Robert Zemeckis
Casting Director: Sande Alessi/Kristan Berona
Interviews: 8/24
Shoots: Oct-Dec (various dates)
Rate: $1000 per day + Agency
Location: Los Angeles

[ MOTION CAPTURE MODEL 1 ]
Female, 20-30s. 5'-10/5'-11", chest 36-37", hips 37-38". Model MUST be within these measurements...

Meeting the required qualifications—not the least of which was possessing a strong desire to make $1000 a day—I submitted myself and heard back later that afternoon. I was told to come in the next day to ensure that the measurements I gave were correct and to go through the usual question-and-answer bit with the casting people. Seemed simple enough.

At the studio, I was ushered over to a group of about 25 other women, all of whom were supposed to be nearly identical to me in height and shape. This was clearly not the case. We all made small talk, everyone noting what a large variety of shapes and builds there were considering we all fit into a 2-inch range of measurements. After some time, a woman came over to the group to explain the project and exactly how the casting session would work. It turned out the film was to be shot using motion capture, like The Polar Express, and we were auditioning to be the body double for Angelina Jolie. They wanted Jolie's character to be a mix between Jolie and Rebecca Romijn in the X-Men films—slightly taller, and more womanly and voluptuous than Jolie herself. The body double would shoot several days a week for about a month, doing all the major physical movements of the character—everything from walking to major stunts and ropes work. I was psyched. Not only was it high-paying but it sounded like an absolute blast. Can't say I minded the thought of saying I was Anglina Jolie's body double either.

Next, the woman explained that the shape of the body double's general silhouette and the "natural hang" of her breasts should match that of Jolie's as closely as possible. In order to determine this, each woman would have to take a series of 8 photographs from different angles wearing…underwear and nipple stickers. Yes, that's right. We would be grouped in a room ten at a time, where we would strip down to our skivvies, put flower-shaped stickers on our boobs and then turn in a circle for the photos. Now I wouldn't consider myself a shy person, necessarily, but I certainly don't seek out opportunities to be nude amongst strangers, either. Nonetheless here I was, in a room of nearly nude women I'd just met, about to allow someone to get photographic evidence of my every flaw and fault.

Some of the women were obviously models (or strippers, I s'pose) and, used to the mad rush of backstage wardrobe changes, happily disrobed and waited in line, bare asses waving about. Others like myself quickly stripped in the corner, slapped the flowers on and grabbed a robe to wear while awaiting our doom. In the end, it was quick and painless, just a brief 8-stop pirouette in all my naked glory, and yet somehow I still felt a bit duped. I wonder whether those photos will be the ones E! digs up for my True Hollywood Story. I've never lived in my car or been addicted to drugs, so I guess embarrassing, nude, casting photos will have to suffice as evidence of my rocky rise to fame. Or maybe someone will try to blackmail me using a particularly unflattering shot, nipple-blossoms and all—you know, like the Cameron Diaz leather fetish movie. Or perhaps a PA on the set stole the negatives and there's already a website out there called www.naiveandnude.com.

Needless to say, the "natural hang" of my breast was apparently not a match, so I never had the pleasure of doing aerial acrobatics in a sensor-laden jumpsuit. As such, I get the grand a day, either. Since the film's release, I've seen a couple articles discussing Jolie's nude scene, all of which correctly assert that a body double was used. Even before she shriveled into her current emaciated state, Angie never had the hips and curves the CG-enhanced version of her does in the film. I'm not sure which of the women I saw wandering about in her undies got the gig, but I know this: whoever she is, the hang of her boobs is worth thousands…

for love the game

2008-10-11T11:28:00.001-07:00

For Love of the Game

Sometimes the love of a team can feel just like real love. Overwhelming euphoria prevails during the best of times and crushing sadness seems inescapable during the worst. But no matter how great the pain of a loss may be, sports fans and lovers must allow themselves to try to love again. Sometimes the washing away of painful memories happens in days, sometimes months, and sometimes, in the worst of cases, it can take years. There's a great Erica Jong quote that reads:

"It would pass in time. It always did, unfortunately. The bruise on
the heart which at first feels incredibly tender to the slightest touch
eventually turns all the shades of the rainbow and stops aching. We
forget about it. We even forget we have hearts until the next time. And
then when it happens again we wonder how we ever could have forgotten."

When the Bears lost the Super Bowl last year I could have been "that fan." You know the one. The one the camera guy finds and zooms in on. The most broken, distraught fan in the joint; head in hands, eyes watering. The one that casual fans at home—the kind who attend Super Bowl parties for the bean dip and watch the game for the commercials—see on the screen and laugh at, exclaiming: "She's CRYING???!!" While most of the Colts fans in Dolphins Stadium were high-tailing it out of the rain mere seconds after the game clock wound down to zeroes, I sat and watched Peyton Manning and the rest of the Colts accept their trophy. I was cold, I was wet, and I was miserable, but it didn't feel right to leave, because once I did, it was all truly over. Sometimes even when you know there's nothing left of it, you just can't bear to let go of something you love. It took me 6 months to watch the DVD of the Super Bowl that I had my co-worker make for me. In August, with a new season approaching, I finally watched the game and found a way to say goodbye to that love and that loss so I could start over.

During the moments just following Sunday's stunning collapse to theGiants, I felt, for the first time this season, murmurs of last year's heartache. Of course, this has never been last year's team or last year's love. And yet, while this season on a whole has been a disappointment, through it all, despite it all, there has always been a glimmer of hope to hold onto. Now, with the Bears playoff chances all but gone, that gnawing feeling of loss, of something ending, returns. I suppose I could have seen it coming, could have felt it like those moments during the death of a relationship when you can feel each other slipping away and the distance between you becomes almost palpable. Love never really ends easily though, whether you see the end coming or not.

The problem with football is, you can't win a game if you don't play 60 minutes. The Bears defense, which played a superb three quarters, broke down in the final stanza, giving up a late touchdown that put the Giants ahead. The defense wasn't all to blame, of course. The Giants' last score would have been inconsequential had the Bears capitalized on earlier opportunities, the most notable being a perfectly thrown deep ball dropped by Devin Hester. Grossman's solid numbers would have been outstanding had all his good passes, just like that one, been caught. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. All season, courageous performances and spectacular plays have been offset by mental errors and missed opportunities. The Bears' inability to put together a complete game finally caught up to them in the form of too many losses, plain and simple.

True Bears fans aren't going to love the team any less for its shortcomings this season. As with any love, time will make the pain of disappointment grow duller and the promise of a new love seem possible. Talk of expectations for next season will begin and fans will find a way to start over and let themselves be hopeful again. Who knows? Maybe there are even a few miracles left in this season. Lovie told the press after the game, "We'll continue to play until they tell us we're out of it." And if the Bears are out of it, the rest of the season will be about pride, self-respect and another love, one both fans and players share: love of the game. 'Cause no matter how much it hurts when the team you love loses, or the love you felt fades away, worse still than that hurt is never to have loved at all. To quote Jong again:

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so
cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for,
risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you
risk even more."

Sarah Spain

2008-10-11T11:26:00.001-07:00

Broadcaster

2008-10-11T11:25:00.001-07:00

Chicago cubs

2008-10-11T11:24:00.002-07:00

Los Angeles vs chicago

2008-10-11T11:24:00.001-07:00

Sarah Spain Super Bowl

2008-10-11T11:23:00.001-07:00

sarah Spain - super bowl

2008-10-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

first Impressions

2008-10-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

Noo Yawk and Bowston - Fuggedaboudit

2008-10-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

Inside the star - studded super bowl parties

2008-10-11T11:19:00.002-07:00

Sarah Palin Engendering Racial Hatred, Encouraging the Insanity on the Campaign Trail

2008-10-11T11:19:00.001-07:00

Sarah Palin Engendering Racial Hatred, Encouraging the Insanity on the Campaign Trail

I have loathed Sarah Palin and everything she stands for since the day I began researching her, which was during her introduction by McCain to the American people.

However, at this point, I am waybeyond loathing her. She is a woman without the intellectual wherewithal to compete on the national stage. She is a joke in a quest for a position that is so far beyond her abilities, she doesn't even understand the responsibilities of said position. She is stupid. She is racist. She is unethical. And, unfortunately, we can not just ignore her.She is dangerous.

Sarah Palin's recent attacks on Obama are without any real basis in fact, and Palin's supporters demean her, as Palin demeans all Americans. Encouraging, rather than condemning her supporters who yell horrific things such as " kill him" , "he is a traitor", "treason", "terrorist", and other things of that nature in reference to the Democratic nominee for President of the United States, Barack Obama, is beyond stupid, beyond politics, and bordering on insanity. Palin herself calls him "the best friend of a terrorist", a claim totally without basis in fact, and the Republican party has already acknowledged this. One of her supporters hurled a racial epithet at a network sound guy, and yet she didn't tell the supporter to leave, apologize, nothing. This woman needs to go. Quickly. Away.

Palin needs to recuse herself from this election and allow McCain to select another running mate, hopefully someone with intelligence, ethical limits, and the ability to campaign without arousing racial hatred, among other things. And if she won't resign, McCain needs to grow some real cojones. So I say, show us some real patriotism, Senator McCain. Put your country first.

Give Sarah Palin the boot.

She's Doing Steve Bartman?

2008-10-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

WARNING: By watching this video you will notice that my blog’s G rating will be pushed just on the other side of PG-13. There are bleeps so it is basically safe to watch in the office but they spell out and have some clear signs of the word they are using. Yes, they are dropping the F-bomb. And no, usual readers, simply because I have posted about politics and a risqué video this week it does not mean I am changing my entire M.O. I’m just gonna go ahead and shake things up a bit, just this once. After this, you will have your everyday, neutral, diplomatic blogger back that only every so often talks about her dislike for certain teams in a somewhat gentle way…

That said, the link to this video landed in my inbox from the lovely Sarah Spain. Check out the aforementioned link and you’ll see just how creative this sports fan can be. I found her very amusing and decided to pass it on.

Sarah is in a bit of a dilemma. You see, she’s a Cubs fan and…well…my beloved Dodgers have swept her team out of World Series contention. I feel her pain as a fan even though my boys in blue have won it all in my lifetime. Lately, it feels like it has been 100 years since the Dodgers have won to me.

At any rate, she is taking matters into her own hands and is determined to break the curse. Watch the video and you’ll see what I mean. This is like that Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon video a while back…

All of this has got me thinking…if the Dodgers don’t beat the Phillies and then win the World Series, does that mean I have to get intimate with Vin Scully or Tommy Lasorda. I love them both dearly, but not in that way…

GO DODGERS!

Political Sunday: Is Governor Sarah Palin Hot?

2008-10-11T11:06:00.000-07:00

Now if this isn’t the start to a porn movie I don’t know what is

Sorry for the no sports today, but this is more important. I’m letting the public know that for the record, I’ll be voting Democrat this year. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be featuring Sarah Palin, new VP elect more than once or twice.

The very best part of this whole thing is that John McCain, along with just about any other old Republican is going to be drooling over this woman during the entire campaign. And when some of these staring pictures hit the web, just wait for the political blog world to go insane.

Some brief history. Palin grew up in Wasilla, Alaska and played point guard in high school. Her nick name was Sarah “Barracuda” Palin. She finished second in the Miss Wasilla beauty contest which gave her a scholarship to college. Now she’s the Governor.

She’s 44 and 100% doable.

Are You Ready for Some Football? Meet Sarah Spain: By Far My Favorite Chicago Bears Fan

2008-10-11T11:05:00.001-07:00

I never realized how handsome Bernard Berrian is

Honestly, there is nothing bad I can really say about Sarah Spain. This girl absolutely kicks ass. Sarah just rocks. Period.

This girl is a true fan and not in the kind of “I can’t stand when girls try to be too big a sports fan kind of a way.” You know, the kind where it’s like, stop trying to be a guy. Sarah knows she’s a chick.

She knows to show off the assets and she knows to look like a woman and to be a woman. At the same time? She drinks with the boys (as you’ll see below) and she just rocks it. I don’t know how else to put it. Chicago is a lucky town to have a girl like Sarah.

Thanks to Sports By Brooks for discovering her over a year ago.

More Sarah after the jump

LET SARAH SPAIN TELL YOU HOW

2008-10-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

Hey friends, Ryan here with an important, earth-shattering announcement: this here site is giving away two tickets to a Cubs NLCS game. (Yes, the NLCS. Gasp! If they don’t make it — WHICH ISN’T GOING TO BE A PROBLEM, RIGHT — we’ll still give you tickets behind home plate for a game next season. Watch the video above featuring our newest and most excellent team member, Sarah Spain, for more details.)

If you’d like to send in a video to enter the contest, get at it right here. If you would like to watch videos of other people who have entered, peep our gallery. Most views wins, so get a-watchin’. You can watch as many times as you want, so just do that all day in your cubicle.

Don’t worry, your boss is a Cubs fan too. And if he/she gets mad, you can always take them to the game. Win-win, baby.

Sarah Spain and her attempt

2008-10-11T11:01:00.001-07:00

We all remember Sarah Spain and her attempt to get paid to go to the Super Bowl via eBay , yes? Well, I thought it only fair that I provide an update on what's going on with the Spain Train. For starters, I got an email yesterday from an alleged former classmate of Sarah's. It read,

Sarah Spain is F*cking Steve Bartman Published 44 hours ago by Richie Rich at Home Run Derby ... You know, the girl who tried to auction herself on eBay for a date to get free tickets to see the Chicago Bears in the 2007 Super Bowl? And then wrote some Cub reporting stuff this spring for ...

Sarah Spain Has A Solution To The Cubs' Postseason Problems: Nail Steve Bartman Published 37 hours ago at FanIQ Blog ... Sarah Spain is basically Chicago's Jenn Sterger, except a little more talented, and she's actually pretty funny. She has a history of doing pretty much anything sports-related for attention (or free stuff), includingauctioning herself off as a date for free Super Bowl tickets. She has ...

Sarah Spain is My Favorite Chicago Bears Fan

2008-10-11T11:00:00.001-07:00

Honestly, there is nothing bad I can really say about Sarah Spain. This girl absolutely kicks ass. And it’s not like I say so many bad things about chicks on here is it? It’s more of a “man what I’d do to her kind of a thing.”

But Sarah? Sarah just rocks. This girl is a true fan and not in the kind of “I can’t stand when girls try to be too big a sports fan kind of a way.” She just kicks ass. Sarah knows she’s a chick. She knows to show off the guns. She knows to look like a woman and to be a woman.

At the same time? She drinks with the boys (as you’ll see below) and she just rocks it. I don’t know how else to put it. Chicago is a lucky town to have a girl like Sarah. I mean that honey. You rock.

Quick question. How many of the Bears have hit it? Over under? Five.

Sarah Spain Banging Steve Bartman

2008-10-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

Sarah Spain is hilarious in her video called F*ucking Steve Bartman. Basically, Sarah is similar to Jenn Sterger - she loves sports and is super hot. In 2007, she auctioned herself off for a date to anyone willing to take her to the Superbowl to watch her beloved Chicago Bears. What a gal! Now she is heavily involved with the Chicago Cubs and with her looks expect her to become a phenomenon soon. Keep reading to see the video everyone is talking about….Sarah Spain F*cking Steve Bartman

Sarah Spain, dream works

2008-10-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

Today's Headline News: ad interim, cockney rejects, dream works, harris burdick, mante religieuse

Philip Maddocks: McCain will now speak to the media through Palin
Norwich Bulletin, USA- Oct 10, 2008
"I can see Spain from my houses. Barack Obama just doesn’t get that," Mr. McCain explained. The Republican candidate also accused Obama of being naïve when ...

Europeans get canny, creative in crisis
Reuters- Oct 09, 2008
"I actually wanted to take my girlfriend to Spain in December, but I think we'll probably end up staying here," said the 27-year-old mechanic. ...

Regulator to ease ADSL restrictions on Telefonica
guardian.co.uk- Oct 10, 2008
By Robert Hetz MADRID, Oct 10 (Reuters) - Spain's dominant telecoms operator Telefonica will no longer be obliged to offer rivals wholesale internet at ...

Sarah and Joe Pinocchio, Act II
Reader's Digest, USA- Oct 08, 2008
Assertion: “John McCain said as recently as a couple of weeks ago he wouldn't even sit down with the government of Spain , a NATO ally that has troops in ...

Who Does Sarah Spain Have To Screw Around Here To Get The Cubs A World Series Ring?

2008-10-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

by Pat

Yesterday

Once again, the Cubbies have assumed their role as the lovable losers. While some fans are frustrated and depressed, one fan is taking initiative, and trying a new strategy to help break the Cubs' century-long futility streak.

Sarah Spain is basically Chicago's Jenn Sterger, except a little more talented, and she's actually pretty funny. She has a history of doing pretty much anything sports-related for attention (or free stuff), includingauctioning herself off as a date for free Super Bowl tickets. She has reported on spring trainingfor the Cubs, has appeared in several newspapers, and has even starred in some... ummm... quality movies. She posts some entertaining videos here, and here is the most recent one for your viewing enjoyment, in which she sings about her plan to reverse the Cubs' century long curse of ineptitude:

There's really no telling whether or not her plan will work, but I'm sure Bartman has no complaints. This is probably the only opportunity he has had to get any since... well... 2003.

If you want to see more of Sarah, check out her myspace page. Or her website, where you can visither website for pics, videos, her resume, and even an option to contact her.

As a fun departure note, you can also check out this great video of a guy taking a kick in the balls for White Sox tickets. This is an excellent idea, and I think I'm going to go into the Bronx with a similar offer for Yankees tickets. This chick is priceless.

Sarah Spain is F*cking Steve Bartman

2008-10-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

Remember Sarah Spain?

You know, the girl who tried to auction herself on eBay for a date to get free tickets to see the Chicago Bears in the 2007 Super Bowl? And then wrote some Cub reporting stuff this spring for Babes Love Baseball and The Love of Sports?

Well, she and her chest are back again.

This time with our friends over at Mouthpiece Sports - where she’s trying to what she can to help the Chicago Cubs break their centuries old drought …

By Fucking Steve Bartman - or so she and a reasonable facsimile claim … (Sung to “F*cking Matt Damon by Sarah Silverman)